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Thursday, August 09, 2007

its ndp today..42 years. i think most people are recollecting about the past today and so am i. i just felt like blogging again. just suddenly. i guess i am an illogical person after all. letting my feelings decide for me instead of my head. life's pretty stressful now. prelims are coming but i dun feel like i'm really working hard enough. trying to change things. really trying. my confidence is near rock bottom though. trying to find something to motivate me. why do i always let myself get distracted? all those thoughts. i try to think about why i'm in this state now. i looked back and thought, hey what if i didn't do this or that?. my mind's in a whirl now. i've lost my direction. need to find my philosophy and stick to it. that's probably why my GP is so screwed up too. i keep thinking and asking "what if". could i go mad one day? i don't want to stay in this spiral.. maybe its because i dun have a faith? maybe that's why they're happier. they dun question whereas i, question everything. but when will i find the answer? why aren't i working as hard as before? i've tried being driven by fear and being driven by motivation. no i jus dun feel anything. always hated puzzles. yet now i am one. i dun wan to live like this anymore. why can't i be successful like them? i've really tried not to think so much yet i still always do.. its time i make a stand and decide my path. what i must follow. get out of this spiral. and i'm going to change my life. i dun wan to live in misery and emptiness anymore. without goals. without hope. so much negativity. i must get out of this...



2:17 PM

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